Finally got courage to scribble some words on my feelings, my experience from past 11 -12 days. Not sure where to start without feeling hollowness that behold under my soul, the emptiness of missing someone near and dear to me. Life is so cruel and throws wrenches at every corner.
As I restarted planning for HOKA UTMB Mont Blanc 2025, I had planned to stop by Chiangmai, Thailand to run Chiangmai 100k on Saturday 12/07/2024. It was the moment I had been preparing mentally and physically. On top of that, I had invited my brothers Dinesh and Sahadev to be with me in Chiangmai for support and to spend some brotherly quality time. They left Nepal 5 days before the race and our goal was to leave together for Chiangmai for the race. With that plan in mind, I left the US for Bangkok via Abu Dhabi. The flight was 13 hours and for the first time, I hadn’t purchasd the WiFi onboard. Goal was to relax and sleep but as usual, I was restless and couldn’t sleep. It felt like forever to reach Abu Dhabi. After I reached Abu Dhabi and when I turned on WiFi, I saw so many missed calls and text messages from everyone. I knew something was amiss backhome in Nepal. I couldn’t check the messages or call anyone for few minutes. I finally got courage to call Dinesh and he gave the bad news that our beloved cousin, Sahadev’s eldest brother ‘Karma Dai’ had passed away. Never in million years, I thought I would hear that news. We all were crying and didn’t know what to do. That was the moment I felt so helpless and hopeless. I was alone and no one to talk to… Just me in the total foreign land. So many thoughts flooded in my head. We talked a bit and I took my flight to Bangkok.
Not a single moment, I didn’t think of Karma Dai. Every moment, tears started flowing through my eyes. It was one of the longest flight in my life. After I reached Bangkok, I talked with my brothers including Kiran in the US. There was so much rush, so much pain, we didn’t know what to do. Finally, we decided that Dinesh and Sahadev will fly back to Nepal and I will fly to Chiangmai to run HOKA Chiangmai 100k in Karma Dai’s memory. I felt like this is the moment I would be able to talk to him, connect with him when I am vulnerable and lonely with mother nature. Sometimes during these Ultra races, you reach in those nirvana state (my personal opinion) where you feel like you can connect, you can talk with your loved ones who had left you.
For some reason, I was relaxed and calm before the race night. May be the humor, the smile that Karma dai exuberates has transcended to me. The race started at 7:10 am (Wave 2) on Saturday from Chiangmai PAO Park,a huge government sports complex. Right before the race, I closed my eyes and thought about Karma dai; how much we miss him. There were about 908 100k runners who traversed through the flat blacktop for about 2 1/2 miles. I knew I had to run fast to make up time for later part of the race. I saved more than 2 hours (before cut off time) in first 12 miles. After running 2 1/2 miles, then the fun began. It was straight 3+ miles uphill climbing. The climb was about 4,527 ft. The more you climb, the more steeper it became. But I was able to run under my target mile time. I was pretty ecstatic about it. After descending the hill and coming to B3 Mae Sa Elephant Camp Aid station, I relaxed for about 5 mins before consuming fluid and solid food. That was probably one of the best strategies, as it helped my system to cool off and body was able to consume food. This is where I met Ian Grant, who brought me some Rice and curry potato. It was one of the best food I ate in the course. Thank you Ian and Nusara. You both were amazing. The food and seeing people you know during the races always uplifts the psychology and emotions.
After spending about 15 mins with Ian and stocking up fluids, I embarked for another monster climb. After navigating through a stream and bamboo bushes, the climb begins. I have ran for last 20+ years, but never seen or climbed such treacherous steep steep trails. It’s probably between 40 – 50, but in some cases probably more. One slip and you might slip all the way down. Interestingly enough, I climbed non stop. My motto was ‘One foot at a time’ and NO SITTING. I learned that HARD way in UTMB Mont Blanc. What I realized is if you keep moving even slowly, you save so much time, don’t feel that tiredness. By the time I reached top of 2nd mountain that is about 4,800 ft, I had accumulated more than 5 hours before the 9 pm cutoff time. At B6 Sri Sang Wan Forest Unit Ranger Aid Station, after getting 15 mins leg massage and eating some noodles and banana sticky rice, I first started descending the road and then through the steep steep trails. It was so steep, my trekking pole was not helping me. Basically I had to use the poles and then get support of the trees / shrubs to minimize my downward momentum. After running more than 13 hours in steep downhills, I didn’t have much left. My quads were wasted and started suffering from heat exhaustion. I knew what I had to do during this time, as your system will reject any food that you try to intake. My partner in crime, my best friend, Anju have taught me how to deal in those situations. After getting another massage / muscle relaxer, I lied down on the ground with my legs up on the chair for about 15 – 20 mins. That helped my system to get back to normal. After chowing down few banana sticky rice, dried mango, I started to walk gingerly and then run downhill and smaller climbs for next 14 miles with bunch of runners for the final climb. We finally reached B8 Doi Pui Research Station where I spent about 45 mins relaxing by lying down on the floor. I quickly changed my clothes as as it was getting colder during the nights and cold was seeping into the system.
After getting the much needed rest, I marched with 5 other brave runners for the final highest climb, that was about 5 miles straight up. As we started climbing, it started getting more and more steeper. That was one hell of a climb. I was so happy to be at the top around 4,900 feet and with about 9 hours to spare. I knew there was about 12 miles left to the finish line. I thought I would be able to complete around 6 am as it was mostly descend (about 7 miles) and flat (about 4 miles ) to the finish. The first 4 miles was runnable road. I came to final aid station called B9 Khun Chang Khian’s Dirt Yard. I was totally exhaused and nauseated. A little jog made me feel sick to the stomach. I spent another good 45 mins here relaxing and massaging as I couldn’t eat any food. I wanted to finish the race so bad, I started walking for the final descent. Being too excited, I texted Ian and Nabin that I might finish between 7 am to 7:30 am instead of 6 am, because I had been bitten couple of times by downhills towards the end. My initial guess was the runnable trail. This was no exception. As I entered the trail to descend, to my horror it was so steep, I had to stop and stare few times. It was so steep, I could barely place my feet. The trail was rocky and full of gravels. It was so unstable, I slipped and slid about 5 ft on my butt. Luckily, I was spared with any injury. That downhill took me more than 3 hours and completely took out my quads and energy. I was not sure how I was standing upright. I walked for another hour or so in flat surface to the finish line. I was so ecstatic to enter the park, I pulled out the Nepal flag and crossed the finish line at 8:49 am Sunday morning. I felt a bit void when I crossed the line, because I couldn’t find my brothers Dinesh and Sahadev. I was hoping to hug them in the finish line. That has been my dream since I started doing Ultra Marathons. And that DREAM is still VOID. May be some other place. God always has plans for us. However, Nabin and Ian tried to fill the void. They were there to capture the moment. I was so relieved, so happy to complete the race ‘THE RACE FOR KARMA DAI’.
SO WHAT I LEARNED
Always cherish every moment with your near and dear ones. Because once they are gone, you will have to live on memories. Life is too short, so enjoy as much as you can with your families and what you love to do.
After running handful of crazy races, what I realized is I am good at climbing. I can move constantly uphill for hours. What I am NOT GOOD at is downhill trail running and food intake towards the later part of races. This has been my Achilles hill of trail running. I definitely need to learn techniques from some experts and for sure more hill training. In a hindsight, had I been able to run downhill even 25% faster than what I have been doing, my time would be way better.
There are so many to THANK.
First and foremost, I want to THANK GOD for giving me courage and power to run this race during extremely difficult period. And to my brothers and sisters, my families who encouraged me to run in memories of KARMA DAI.
Few other folks I like to thank.
Suraj Dai and family. Thank you so much helping me in Bangkok.
Nusara and Ian…I am so indebted to you both. You took your time to meet me, feed me and cheer me. It meant so much to me. @Ian That potato rice… wow… it gave me power for another 20+ miles easily. I know the mountains were extremely difficult, but those calories powered me forward.
Nabin @Tisa Arts and Crafts at Thailand… I don’t know where to start. I know we met for the first time and you made me feel like we have been friends for ages. Talking to you for hours and hours on philosophies on religion, culture and other aspects of life was so therapeutic to me. It meant so much to me as it diverted my mind and allowed me to focus my energy on race and objective. Thank you ‘BROTHER’
Daisy @Heritage Acupuncture LLC thank you for helping me with my legs, hips and in general, mobility. Numerous acupuncture sessions before the race definitely helped and prepared me physically for this race. Acupuncture definitely helps me and Daisy is one of the best.
And finally to my family: ANJU, RAYNA and AATISH. THERE IS NO RACE without your unconditional love and support. Thank you for understanding me, understanding my love to race. I know when I am away, it’s hard on you all. I miss you all so much. LOVE YOU ALL.
It’s been pretty sad and emotional days since last Tuesday night.
